Sara (
scripted_sra) wrote2009-05-08 09:48 am
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Fake News (RPF) | Every TDS Fic Cliche Ever | PG-13 | Jon/Stephen
Title: Every TDS Fic Cliche Ever
Fandom: Fake News (RPF)
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Jon/Stephen; mention of Rob/Ed
Warning: Cliches abound! Thriller fic, J/S twu luv cures all, perfect sex, Sam who?, Ed's really thirteen, randomly!appearing!Anderson, purple prose of doom, evil!wives, making shit up, and pseudo-cliff-hangers.
Summary: Look at the title.
Word Count: 771
Disclaimer: All copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. This work is not created for profit and constitutes fair use. References to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
A/N: I imported my journal to Dreamwidth, and found this as I was going through old entries, trying to figure out how best to work my memories. It amused me enough that I thought it deserved to be archived here, despite the cliches involved being a little dated. (I wrote it back in 2006.)
The night was dark and ominous, coiling around everyone like a slippery snake intent on killing its prey. (Sure, that sentence could've just read “it was a dark and stormy night” but that doesn't set the tone for the drama and suspense to come.)
You see, Jon and Stephen had been kidnapped! (Gasp!)
Yes, kidnapped. Their jobs being comedians made them very susceptible to these sorts of things, don't you know. Right now, they were being kept in cages, awaiting their fate.
“Stephen, I have to tell you—I'm in love with you. I couldn't keep it a secret any longer since it looks like this is the end,” Jon declared.
“Jon, I love you too!” Stephen exclaimed. “I was afraid that you'd reject me. The only person I've ever told was Sam–”
“Who?” Jon asked.
“I—” Just then, a maniacal cackle was heard. Two cloaked figures were approaching. “Who are you?" Stephen demanded.
They removed their hoods, and Jon and Stephen let out a collective gasp!
“Tracey? Evie? Why have you done this?” Jon asked, shocked.
"WE'RE EVIL OF COURSE," Tracey boomed.
“What? No you're—” Just then, a large hand appeared out of nowhere and smacked Jon hard. “I mean, yes! Yes you are! Despite my years of marriage to you, I suddenly and for no reason hate your guts! Die!”
“It's you who will die!” Evie countered, laughing evilly.
“No! Our friends will find us!” Stephen declared. “Ed, Rob, or Sam—”
“Who?” Evie, Jon, and Tracey chorused.
“Never mind. The point is that we'll be rescued!”
“Not before we have our fun!” Tracey yelled. “Guards, get Stephen. Take him to the playroom.” She laughed maniacally again, because, like has been previously established, SHE WAS EVIL INCARNATE. So was Evie.
Out of nowhere, two large men appeared and unlocked Stephen's cage, dragging him away. “Goodbye, Jon! For now. We'll be back for you!” Evie declared before she and Tracey disappeared into the shadows.
Grief wracked Jon's body, the pain more intense than a thousand knives to the chest. His tears fell freely, dripping like the crimson ribbons of blood that would be if he were actually being stabbed.
Suddenly, Anderson Cooper appeared in the room and Jon looked up, startled. “Anderson? What are you doing here?”
“I...don't know,” Anderson replied, looking around. “Where is here?”
“An abandoned mansion in the country that Evelyn and Tracey rented and have been keeping Stephen and I captive in,” Jon answered.
“Makes sense. They're really evil, you know.”
“I've noticed. Let me out!”
“Okay. Looks like they left the keys.” He opened the cage door.
“That was convenient,” Jon noted. “Oh, Anderson, it's terrible! Stephen's probably being tortured right now!”
“Go to him, Jon! Rescue him and then cure his horrible emotional scars with your true love!” And with that, Anderson disappeared.
Jon blinked, then shrugged, leaving the room and heading off down the corridor. Having been a former CIA operative, Jon knew how to walk down hallways stealthily. (A/N: I dunno if that's true, but I couldn't find the information so I'm just assuming. If it's wrong let me know!) Suddenly, he heard a blood-curdling scream (It's true. His blood really curdled.) coming from the room at the end of the hall. Rushing into the room, he saw Stephen being raped! Raped! A fight ensued, and it was bloody indeed. And the winner was—
TBC.
...
...
...
...
No, just kidding.
And the winner was Jon of course, because the good guys always win. He embraced Stephen immediately. “Oh god, Stephen, I'm so sorry this happened. Is there anything I can do?”
“Make love to me!”
And even though Stephen had just suffered a horrific ordeal, and neither Jon nor Stephen had ever been with another man before, it was absolutely perfect.
“Let's go home!” Stephen said, and they left. “I can't wait to tell all our friends. Rob and Ed will be thrilled, and Sam—”
“Who?” Jon asked.
“Never mind. Did you know that Rob and Ed are dating?” Stephen asked as they headed back to the studio.
“Oh? Is that why Ed was acting like a thirteen-year-old schoolgirl last week?”
“Yep.”
“Huh, crazy.”
“I know.” He stopped, looking Jon in the eyes. “Despite this terrible experience, I'm so happy, Jon. I feel it's brought us closer than ever.”
“I'm happy too, Stephen, and I know exactly how you feel.”
“Of course you do. You're my soul mate.”
And everyone lived happily ever after. (Except the wives, since they were really evil.) To this day, however, Anderson, Stephen, Jon, Rob, Ed, and Sam—
“Who?”
Never mind.
Fandom: Fake News (RPF)
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Jon/Stephen; mention of Rob/Ed
Warning: Cliches abound! Thriller fic, J/S twu luv cures all, perfect sex, Sam who?, Ed's really thirteen, randomly!appearing!Anderson, purple prose of doom, evil!wives, making shit up, and pseudo-cliff-hangers.
Summary: Look at the title.
Word Count: 771
Disclaimer: All copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. This work is not created for profit and constitutes fair use. References to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
A/N: I imported my journal to Dreamwidth, and found this as I was going through old entries, trying to figure out how best to work my memories. It amused me enough that I thought it deserved to be archived here, despite the cliches involved being a little dated. (I wrote it back in 2006.)
The night was dark and ominous, coiling around everyone like a slippery snake intent on killing its prey. (Sure, that sentence could've just read “it was a dark and stormy night” but that doesn't set the tone for the drama and suspense to come.)
You see, Jon and Stephen had been kidnapped! (Gasp!)
Yes, kidnapped. Their jobs being comedians made them very susceptible to these sorts of things, don't you know. Right now, they were being kept in cages, awaiting their fate.
“Stephen, I have to tell you—I'm in love with you. I couldn't keep it a secret any longer since it looks like this is the end,” Jon declared.
“Jon, I love you too!” Stephen exclaimed. “I was afraid that you'd reject me. The only person I've ever told was Sam–”
“Who?” Jon asked.
“I—” Just then, a maniacal cackle was heard. Two cloaked figures were approaching. “Who are you?" Stephen demanded.
They removed their hoods, and Jon and Stephen let out a collective gasp!
“Tracey? Evie? Why have you done this?” Jon asked, shocked.
"WE'RE EVIL OF COURSE," Tracey boomed.
“What? No you're—” Just then, a large hand appeared out of nowhere and smacked Jon hard. “I mean, yes! Yes you are! Despite my years of marriage to you, I suddenly and for no reason hate your guts! Die!”
“It's you who will die!” Evie countered, laughing evilly.
“No! Our friends will find us!” Stephen declared. “Ed, Rob, or Sam—”
“Who?” Evie, Jon, and Tracey chorused.
“Never mind. The point is that we'll be rescued!”
“Not before we have our fun!” Tracey yelled. “Guards, get Stephen. Take him to the playroom.” She laughed maniacally again, because, like has been previously established, SHE WAS EVIL INCARNATE. So was Evie.
Out of nowhere, two large men appeared and unlocked Stephen's cage, dragging him away. “Goodbye, Jon! For now. We'll be back for you!” Evie declared before she and Tracey disappeared into the shadows.
Grief wracked Jon's body, the pain more intense than a thousand knives to the chest. His tears fell freely, dripping like the crimson ribbons of blood that would be if he were actually being stabbed.
Suddenly, Anderson Cooper appeared in the room and Jon looked up, startled. “Anderson? What are you doing here?”
“I...don't know,” Anderson replied, looking around. “Where is here?”
“An abandoned mansion in the country that Evelyn and Tracey rented and have been keeping Stephen and I captive in,” Jon answered.
“Makes sense. They're really evil, you know.”
“I've noticed. Let me out!”
“Okay. Looks like they left the keys.” He opened the cage door.
“That was convenient,” Jon noted. “Oh, Anderson, it's terrible! Stephen's probably being tortured right now!”
“Go to him, Jon! Rescue him and then cure his horrible emotional scars with your true love!” And with that, Anderson disappeared.
Jon blinked, then shrugged, leaving the room and heading off down the corridor. Having been a former CIA operative, Jon knew how to walk down hallways stealthily. (A/N: I dunno if that's true, but I couldn't find the information so I'm just assuming. If it's wrong let me know!) Suddenly, he heard a blood-curdling scream (It's true. His blood really curdled.) coming from the room at the end of the hall. Rushing into the room, he saw Stephen being raped! Raped! A fight ensued, and it was bloody indeed. And the winner was—
TBC.
...
...
...
...
No, just kidding.
And the winner was Jon of course, because the good guys always win. He embraced Stephen immediately. “Oh god, Stephen, I'm so sorry this happened. Is there anything I can do?”
“Make love to me!”
And even though Stephen had just suffered a horrific ordeal, and neither Jon nor Stephen had ever been with another man before, it was absolutely perfect.
“Let's go home!” Stephen said, and they left. “I can't wait to tell all our friends. Rob and Ed will be thrilled, and Sam—”
“Who?” Jon asked.
“Never mind. Did you know that Rob and Ed are dating?” Stephen asked as they headed back to the studio.
“Oh? Is that why Ed was acting like a thirteen-year-old schoolgirl last week?”
“Yep.”
“Huh, crazy.”
“I know.” He stopped, looking Jon in the eyes. “Despite this terrible experience, I'm so happy, Jon. I feel it's brought us closer than ever.”
“I'm happy too, Stephen, and I know exactly how you feel.”
“Of course you do. You're my soul mate.”
And everyone lived happily ever after. (Except the wives, since they were really evil.) To this day, however, Anderson, Stephen, Jon, Rob, Ed, and Sam—
“Who?”
Never mind.
no subject
Good stuff ♥
no subject
Thanks. :D
no subject
Never mind that it's been 2 years since you posted this...
no subject