Sara (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
scripted_sra) wrote2009-03-09 08:45 pm
scripted_sra) wrote2009-03-09 08:45 pm
Fake News (FPF) | Just More Tabloid Fodder | PG-13 | George/Jon; Jon/"Stephen"
Title: Just More Tabloid Fodder
Fandom: Fake News (FPF)
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: George/Jon; Jon/”Stephen”
Summary: Jon starts seeing George Clooney. Stephen doesn’t exactly take it well.
Word Count: 3,467
Disclaimer: All copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. This work is not created for profit and constitutes fair use. References to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
A/N: Do note that I live in a magical world where Bobby never left the Report. Thanks for the beta, Abigail.
It all started with a tabloid.
Hollywood Hunk and Late Night Comedian Caught Lip-Locking, read the headline, with a not-so-flattering, grainy photograph underneath. It was clear enough anyway, depicting him and George kissing in a way that seemed to be—and was, if he remembered correctly—rather passionate.
It spread from tabloid to tabloid like a rampaging case of herpes, each reporting new “sightings”—further pictures of them kissing, one where they were out somewhere in what was clearly a romantic setting—and offering new speculation. It wasn’t long before Fox News picked up on it, running a story where they practically orgasmed over describing the combined deviancy of a “well-known Hollywood liberal” and “smug, left-wing comic.” This then prompted a righteously indignant response from Keith Olbermann, which spawned a game of back-and-forth one-upmanship among the cable news networks, and that was that for the media staying the hell out of it. Who cares if the economy’s still in the middle of a meltdown, really? Jon thought after seeing yet another article mentioning the two of them. Two celebrities are fucking!
He and George each released a statement about a week and a half into the chaos, both saying basically the same exact thing: “Yeah, we’re together, so fucking what?” except cleaned up to be public relations appropriate.
Jon had no way of knowing that the shit-storm had only just begun.
* * *
Stephen was still staring at him.
Jon cleared his throat, thinking this was starting to get a little creepy, as five minutes ago the man had unceremoniously walked into his office carrying a copy of some paper or other. Jon assumed it was one of the ones still talking about him and George, considering that Stephen hadn’t said a word and just started staring at him as though he was a particularly gross but indeterminate specimen in a jar.
Finally, after Jon had almost had enough, Stephen spoke: “It’s true.”
There was an odd note to his tone of voice. Anger, he heard clear enough. A tiny bit of fear, sure, that was expected. Confusion was prominent as well. What else was there, though? Jon couldn’t quite put his finger on it.
“It’s true,” Jon repeated. “Though I think that was obvious enough before our statements. You must’ve seen the pictures.”
Stephen waved this away. “Pictures,” he scoffed. “Like the liberal, mainstream media wouldn’t be low enough to fabricate a few to sell a story, probably one of the oldest tricks in the book.” He shook the paper at Jon. “But your words—you and Clooney—you two—really?”
That odd note was stronger, and Jon wracked his brain to place it. “Really,” he said.
“Why didn’t you tell me!” Stephen demanded, and Jon was about to answer when he pressed on. “Jon, you don’t have to give into the gay agenda! I can help you through this! We all fight it, but it’s worth it! You’ll see!”
Jon stopped himself from laughing at that just in time. “Stephen,” he said slowly, trying to think of how best to put this, “I’m not giving into anything.”
“Obviously you are, Jon! Just six months ago you were heterosexual—you even had the wife to prove it! Now look at you!” Stephen shoved the paper under Jon’s nose, showing him a delightful new picture of him and George together—just outside his apartment building. You stay fuckin’ classy, New York Post, he thought. “Divorced and being seduced into the gay lifestyle by an impossibly handsome godless sodomite!”
“Okay, um, first of all,” Jon said, “I’ve never been heterosexual. Second, my divorce had nothing to do with this. And third, while I certainly agree that George is impossibly handsome, he isn’t seducing me into any kind of lifestyle.”
Stephen gave him a cross look. “Don’t give me that baloney about being born gay. You weren’t.”
“True, but only because I’m not gay.”
“Oh, good!” Stephen said, sounding relieved. “You’ve decided to fight this after all. That’s the first step, Jon: don’t give in, no matter how tempting it may seem.”
“Stephen, I’m not fighting anything. I said I’m not gay because I’m not—I’m bisexual. I’ve always been bisexual. Even when I was married to Tracey.” Jon sighed. “She and I didn’t work out. It happens sometimes, Stephen, as you know,” he added, and that might have been slightly pointed, even if Stephen only showed the barest hint of recognition. “George asked me out. I said yes. I would’ve told you sooner, but…” He paused. How did you politely tell your best friend that he had a big mouth? “We were trying to keep a low profile. Obviously that didn’t work.”
Stephen huffed, giving him a disappointed look. “Don’t worry, Jon,” he eventually said. “You may have given up, but I never will. I’ll save you from this myself.” Jon tried to interrupt, but Stephen held up a hand. “No, no, don’t thank me now. Wait until after I’ve saved you from an eternal pit of hellfire.” And with that, he left, marching out of Jon’s office with purpose.
Jon sighed. Why didn’t he like the sound of that?
* * *
“And now we check in with our good friend, Stephen Colbert, at The Colbert Report. Stephen!” The screen displaying The Colbert Report’s studio was dark, lit only by what appeared to be three candles. Stephen was just barely recognizable in the shadows. “...Stephen?” Jon repeated, confused. It only increased tenfold when the man started muttering in what sounded like Latin, with a few English words sprinkled in for good measure—Satan, demons, even Jon’s name.
“Stephen,” interrupted Jon after a few seconds. “Are you trying to perform an exorcism?”
“It’s for your own good, Jon!” Stephen replied, stopping in the middle in order to argue. “I promised I’d save you from yourself.”
“Stephen—what—” Jon shook his head. “I don’t need saving from anything. And—don’t exorcisms have to be performed in person, anyway?”
There were a few seconds of silence as this dawned on Stephen. “Dammit!” he exclaimed, and the display vanished. Jon gave the camera a bewildered look. “All right then. That’s our show. Here it is, your Moment of Zen.”
* * *
Jon noticed easily enough the heightened feeling of...well, it seemed to be a mixture of chaos and tension, as he headed into The Colbert Report studio. Stephen himself was the only known cause.
Interns were rushing furiously through the halls, writers looked harried, and even Tad and Bobby seemed worried. “Do I want to know what’s going on?” he asked.
“Stephen’s been...worse than usual, Mr. Stewart,” Bobby said tactfully. Jon had gently asked Bobby to call him by his first name more times that he could count before simply accepting the fact that it was never going to happen. “You’re here about that toss, I guess?”
Jon nodded. “Yeah. So he’s been on edge lately? How long?”
Tad and Bobby exchanged a significant look, and Jon felt out of the loop. “About five days,” Tad eventually said.
“Five days, that’s—oh.” It clicked immediately; five days ago had been when he and George finally released statements to the press. “He’s that upset about it?”
There went another significant nonverbal exchange, and Jon briefly wondered exactly how close the two of them were to one another. “He’s that upset,” Bobby said, though he appeared to be hesitating, like he was holding something back.
“Is there something else I should know?” he asked, sighing when Tad and Bobby looked at each other again. He was missing a good chunk of this conversation, it seemed.
“No, there’s nothing,” Tad replied, and Jon didn’t quite think that was the truth, but he accepted it. He had to find and talk to Stephen anyway.
“All right,” he said. “Stephen’s in his office?”
Bobby nodded, and he headed off in that direction, barely sidestepping a beleaguered-looking intern making a mad dash for the break room. Knocking briefly on Stephen’s door, he stepped inside.
“Did you get that—oh, it’s you,” Stephen said as he looked up from the notepad he was furiously scribbling something on. “Have you decided to accept my intervention?”
“No,” Jon replied, giving Stephen a look. “I came over to tell you to knock it off. I’m dating a dude, not addicted to heroin.”
“It’s the same thing, Jon!” Stephen exclaimed. “They’re both destructive, behavior-altering, seductive lifestyles that lure you in with tempting, sexy, irresistible false promises and then suck you dry until you’re nothing but a shadow of your former self.” He paused. “So I’m told, anyway.”
“Stephen, come on,” Jon said. “Stop it, please? I’m fine. I don’t need to be rescued from anything.” He shook his head. “Why is this such a big deal, anyway? You know other gay people—you don’t act anything like this when Dan Savage is on the show.”
“He decided to be gay years ago, Jon—there’s nothing I can do. With you, there’s still hope, and I’m not giving up without a fight.”
Jon sighed. It was going to be a long week.
* * *
“He’s still freaked out by it?” George asked him three days later. It was Thursday night and he was making dinner for the both of them.
“Yep,” Jon confirmed. “He’s brought it up at least once in every show this week. Nothing major, but he's still mentioning it.”
“How long do you think he’ll keep it up? Not for too much longer, right?”
Jon sent George an amused look. “Have you met Stephen? I’ve known oxen who would envy his stubborn streak.”
George laughed. “Good point,” he said.
“Wish I understood why he was making such a big deal out of it, though.”
“I thought this was par for the course with him.”
“Not like this.”
“Maybe he’s jealous.”
“That could be. He’s got a pretty transparent thing for you, though I thought he preferred Brad Pitt.”
“I meant jealous because of you, Jon,” George said, looking amused. “Not me. It’s not me he’s focusing on, is it?”
“That’s ridiculous. I’m not exactly Stephen’s type.”
“Sounds like you might be.” George shrugged, wrapping an arm around Jon when he ventured close enough, attempting to sneak a glance at what George was making. “I told you. This is a surprise.”
Jon smirked. “Damn, foiled again,” he said, and George leaned down to kiss him. “Worth it, though,” he murmured when they broke apart, running a hand up along George’s chest, eventually reaching up and threading his fingers through his hair, pulling him closer. “How long do we have until dinner’s ready?”
George gave him a heated look, smirking. “Twenty minutes. Have something in mind?”
“Ah, that’s plenty of time.” Jon grinned, kissing him again.
* * *
It’d been an entire week and Jon was pleased by the fact that Stephen hadn’t mentioned him once. Maybe he’d underestimated him a little, and he was finally coming around, deciding to drop the subject after all.
When they had lunch on Monday, Jon made a point to mention this. “I wanted to thank you, Stephen,” he said, and Stephen looked up at him, confused.
“For what?”
“For dropping it,” Jon said. “I appreciate it. The media’s finally started to calm down—only Fox is really still talking about me and George, and it helps that you’ve stopped mentioning it.”
“Oh,” said Stephen, and Jon raised an eyebrow at his shifty expression.
“You have stopped mentioning it, right? You didn’t say anything last week, so I assumed—you don’t have anything planned, do you?”
“Nope,” Stephen said quickly. “Not a thing. It’s totally dropped. If you want to spend eternity in hell, that’s completely up to you, Jon.”
Jon rolled his eyes at this, sighing, but otherwise let it go.
* * *
“And that brings us to tonight’s Word: Courage,” Stephen started, adjusting his glasses. “Let’s face it: some people have it, and some people don’t.”
"Some People" Who Don’t: Anyone Who Disagrees With Stephen, noted the bullet.
“Lately we’ve had an appalling lack of courage, but I’m glad to announce that’s finally changed. A truly courageous organization right now is none other than Fox News Channel. Two wars, an economic meltdown, and more to report on, and what do they dedicate their time to? Jon Stewart and George Clooney.”
At Least It’s Not The Lohans, snarked the bullet.
“Good for them, I say! After all, we don’t really care about the economy,” Stephen continued.
Possibly How It Got This Way In The First Place.
“But we, as Americans, do care about two elitist liberals being brought down a couple pegs, after defying our morals and standards from their ivory tower.”
A Penthouse View Of Sodom?
“Because if you need an example of someone truly spineless and cowardly, look no further than one of these two men: Jon Stewart, a well-known left-wing nut and current forwarder of the homosexual agenda.”
That’s Jon Stewart, Executive Producer Of The Colbert Report, Everybody, added the bullet helpfully.
“But all I’ve heard from other news organizations—the liberal mainstream media—is how courageous he’s being, coming out like this, bringing it into the spotlight. That, Nation, is ridiculous. Everyone knows that the only way to be courageous about something like this is to keep it a secret.”
It’s Dark In That Closet, After All.
“What could require more courage than living day to day with this kind of thing hanging over your head? It dogs your steps, making it harder and harder to live with yourself, knowing a part of you can never be expressed or talked about, following you everywhere you go.” Stephen paused, clearing his throat. “So I’ve heard, anyway.”
Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are, implored the bullet.
“So I’ve had enough of this! Jon Stewart may think he’s so much better than m—than us real Americans, but he’s not. If he wants to prove he has courage, then he should fight these urges like a real man. And that’s The Word. We’ll be right back.”
* * *
Jon didn’t get angry that often. He preferred to keep a cool head, to stay calm, to not get too upset. Sometimes, though, he couldn’t keep it under wraps.
It wasn’t so much that he was upset about what Stephen had said, really. He didn’t take most of it seriously. But Stephen had lied to him, blatantly, right to his face, and that pissed him off.
And, okay, sure, maybe it stung a little to hear your best friend call you a coward.
He headed straight for Stephen’s office, not bothering to knock this time, shutting the door firmly behind him. When Stephen looked up at him, he saw his eyes widen in surprise. “You’re...angry,” he said, sounding shocked.
“Of course I’m angry!” Jon exclaimed. “I’m supposed to be your friend, Stephen! For a week you spend your time telling me I’m going to hell and trying to save me from myself because of your own twisted prejudices, and then you lie to my face about dropping it, only to call me a coward on national television!”
“I had to do it, Jon!” Stephen said. “You weren’t listening—”
“No, Stephen, you’re not listening!” Jon interrupted. “I do not need to be saved from anything. I am not going to hell. It is not wrong to be attracted to the same sex nor is it wrong to act on those feelings. You may be so far in the closet you’re practically in Narnia, but I am okay with my sexuality!”
“Sure you are, Jon!” Stephen scoffed. “You’re so okay with it you didn’t tell me? We’ve been friends for ten years and I had to find out from the stupid New York Post that you slept with guys?” He glared. “But oh, you’re Jon Stewart, you’re just a genius who thinks he knows it all, aren’t you? You think you’re so much better because of it, way too good for me that you have to run off and sleep with George Clooney!”
And then, all of a sudden, it made sense. The odd tone of voice Stephen had used when he first found out. The way Bobby and Tad had kept exchanging knowing looks. Even George had figured it out before him, with his suggestion that Stephen was jealous. “Stephen, do you—do you think I betrayed you?”
“You did! If you like men, you should want me! I want you!” Stephen blurted out, looking distinctly horrified the moment he realized what he’d just said. “I didn’t say that! I didn’t! You didn’t hear that!” Obviously panic-stricken, he fled from the office before Jon had a moment to figure out what the hell just happened.
* * *
Every call Jon made to Stephen the rest of the week went straight to his voicemail. He tried numerous times to find him at The Colbert Report studio, but he was always mysteriously missing whenever Jon dropped by. They even stopped doing the tosses.
By the end of the next week, Jon was getting antsy. He wanted to talk to Stephen again, clear the air, and work past this. He missed his best friend.
It seemed ridiculous when he considered it. Stephen had wanted him for who knew how long and he hadn’t even noticed. He’d even sort of admitted to not being totally straight, something Jon had never been sure if he’d live to see. Sure, it’d been an accident, said in the heat of an argument, but it’d still been something.
Maybe it was a good thing that Stephen was avoiding him for now. He apparently had a lot to think about.
* * *
“Finally!” Jon said, cornering Stephen in his office on Thursday night. It’d been almost three weeks since he’d spoken to him, and after a tiny bit of conspiring with a few of the interns and some help from Tad, he’d managed to find Stephen.
Stephen looked like a deer caught in the headlights. “Jon, what—” he started, but then straightened, apparently gaining his bearings. “Are you back to yell at me some more?”
“No, Stephen,” Jon said, shaking his head. “I just want to talk to you.”
“I don’t need your pity, Jon,” Stephen snapped. “I’m sure you and George Clooney had a great time laughing at me behind my back. After all, how could you want me when you have him?” He crossed his arms.
“Actually, Stephen—”
“No, Jon! I don’t want to hear it!” he interrupted. “Keep your excuses to yourself. I don’t need to hear that you only want to be friends, or that it’s not me, it’s you, or that you just don’t feel that way for me. I’ve heard it enough and I don’t want to listen to it again.”
“But Stephen—”
“I said no.” Stephen huffed. “I’ve accepted it, okay? You don’t want me. You’re too good for me, smug and self-righteous and perfect, with your hair and your giggle and your smile, so why don’t you just go back to mocking me with George Clooney!”
“Stephen!”
“What?”
“George and I aren’t together anymore!”
“You’re—wait, what—but—why?”
“He had to go back to L.A. He lives there, remember?” Jon shook his head. “George is a great guy, but it was never going to last long with him. We live on opposite sides of the country, and can you really see either of us moving?”
Stephen hesitated. “Oh,” he eventually said. “I guess not.” He paused again. “So you’re not with him anymore?”
“Nope.”
“Are you upset?”
“Not really. We both pretty much knew from the beginning what was going to happen.”
“Huh,” said Stephen. “Does this mean you’re straight again?”
Jon sighed. “No, Stephen. I’m not straight. I’m bisexual. That means I like men and women.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Regardless, it’s the truth.” Jon sent him a look. “And we need to talk. For real, this time. Without any shouting.”
Stephen met his gaze briefly before looking down. “Yeah, okay. Now?”
“Yeah, but not here. Let’s go get something to eat.”
“All right,” Stephen agreed, and they left.
* * *
It all ended with a tabloid.
This particular unflattering, grainy photograph displayed him and Stephen, standing in front of a 24-hour diner late at night, kissing softly. The headline, in its attention-grabbing, paper-selling bluntness, asked, Comedy And Punditry: Together At Last?
Jon rolled his eyes at the cheesiness—would the media ever get over his sex life?—when he saw it on the newsstand. Later, however, when he noticed Stephen hastily shoving said tabloid into his desk, trying to look nonchalant about it, he just shook his head, shot him a small smile, and started planning his next PR statement.
Fandom: Fake News (FPF)
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: George/Jon; Jon/”Stephen”
Summary: Jon starts seeing George Clooney. Stephen doesn’t exactly take it well.
Word Count: 3,467
Disclaimer: All copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. This work is not created for profit and constitutes fair use. References to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
A/N: Do note that I live in a magical world where Bobby never left the Report. Thanks for the beta, Abigail.
It all started with a tabloid.
Hollywood Hunk and Late Night Comedian Caught Lip-Locking, read the headline, with a not-so-flattering, grainy photograph underneath. It was clear enough anyway, depicting him and George kissing in a way that seemed to be—and was, if he remembered correctly—rather passionate.
It spread from tabloid to tabloid like a rampaging case of herpes, each reporting new “sightings”—further pictures of them kissing, one where they were out somewhere in what was clearly a romantic setting—and offering new speculation. It wasn’t long before Fox News picked up on it, running a story where they practically orgasmed over describing the combined deviancy of a “well-known Hollywood liberal” and “smug, left-wing comic.” This then prompted a righteously indignant response from Keith Olbermann, which spawned a game of back-and-forth one-upmanship among the cable news networks, and that was that for the media staying the hell out of it. Who cares if the economy’s still in the middle of a meltdown, really? Jon thought after seeing yet another article mentioning the two of them. Two celebrities are fucking!
He and George each released a statement about a week and a half into the chaos, both saying basically the same exact thing: “Yeah, we’re together, so fucking what?” except cleaned up to be public relations appropriate.
Jon had no way of knowing that the shit-storm had only just begun.
Stephen was still staring at him.
Jon cleared his throat, thinking this was starting to get a little creepy, as five minutes ago the man had unceremoniously walked into his office carrying a copy of some paper or other. Jon assumed it was one of the ones still talking about him and George, considering that Stephen hadn’t said a word and just started staring at him as though he was a particularly gross but indeterminate specimen in a jar.
Finally, after Jon had almost had enough, Stephen spoke: “It’s true.”
There was an odd note to his tone of voice. Anger, he heard clear enough. A tiny bit of fear, sure, that was expected. Confusion was prominent as well. What else was there, though? Jon couldn’t quite put his finger on it.
“It’s true,” Jon repeated. “Though I think that was obvious enough before our statements. You must’ve seen the pictures.”
Stephen waved this away. “Pictures,” he scoffed. “Like the liberal, mainstream media wouldn’t be low enough to fabricate a few to sell a story, probably one of the oldest tricks in the book.” He shook the paper at Jon. “But your words—you and Clooney—you two—really?”
That odd note was stronger, and Jon wracked his brain to place it. “Really,” he said.
“Why didn’t you tell me!” Stephen demanded, and Jon was about to answer when he pressed on. “Jon, you don’t have to give into the gay agenda! I can help you through this! We all fight it, but it’s worth it! You’ll see!”
Jon stopped himself from laughing at that just in time. “Stephen,” he said slowly, trying to think of how best to put this, “I’m not giving into anything.”
“Obviously you are, Jon! Just six months ago you were heterosexual—you even had the wife to prove it! Now look at you!” Stephen shoved the paper under Jon’s nose, showing him a delightful new picture of him and George together—just outside his apartment building. You stay fuckin’ classy, New York Post, he thought. “Divorced and being seduced into the gay lifestyle by an impossibly handsome godless sodomite!”
“Okay, um, first of all,” Jon said, “I’ve never been heterosexual. Second, my divorce had nothing to do with this. And third, while I certainly agree that George is impossibly handsome, he isn’t seducing me into any kind of lifestyle.”
Stephen gave him a cross look. “Don’t give me that baloney about being born gay. You weren’t.”
“True, but only because I’m not gay.”
“Oh, good!” Stephen said, sounding relieved. “You’ve decided to fight this after all. That’s the first step, Jon: don’t give in, no matter how tempting it may seem.”
“Stephen, I’m not fighting anything. I said I’m not gay because I’m not—I’m bisexual. I’ve always been bisexual. Even when I was married to Tracey.” Jon sighed. “She and I didn’t work out. It happens sometimes, Stephen, as you know,” he added, and that might have been slightly pointed, even if Stephen only showed the barest hint of recognition. “George asked me out. I said yes. I would’ve told you sooner, but…” He paused. How did you politely tell your best friend that he had a big mouth? “We were trying to keep a low profile. Obviously that didn’t work.”
Stephen huffed, giving him a disappointed look. “Don’t worry, Jon,” he eventually said. “You may have given up, but I never will. I’ll save you from this myself.” Jon tried to interrupt, but Stephen held up a hand. “No, no, don’t thank me now. Wait until after I’ve saved you from an eternal pit of hellfire.” And with that, he left, marching out of Jon’s office with purpose.
Jon sighed. Why didn’t he like the sound of that?
“And now we check in with our good friend, Stephen Colbert, at The Colbert Report. Stephen!” The screen displaying The Colbert Report’s studio was dark, lit only by what appeared to be three candles. Stephen was just barely recognizable in the shadows. “...Stephen?” Jon repeated, confused. It only increased tenfold when the man started muttering in what sounded like Latin, with a few English words sprinkled in for good measure—Satan, demons, even Jon’s name.
“Stephen,” interrupted Jon after a few seconds. “Are you trying to perform an exorcism?”
“It’s for your own good, Jon!” Stephen replied, stopping in the middle in order to argue. “I promised I’d save you from yourself.”
“Stephen—what—” Jon shook his head. “I don’t need saving from anything. And—don’t exorcisms have to be performed in person, anyway?”
There were a few seconds of silence as this dawned on Stephen. “Dammit!” he exclaimed, and the display vanished. Jon gave the camera a bewildered look. “All right then. That’s our show. Here it is, your Moment of Zen.”
Jon noticed easily enough the heightened feeling of...well, it seemed to be a mixture of chaos and tension, as he headed into The Colbert Report studio. Stephen himself was the only known cause.
Interns were rushing furiously through the halls, writers looked harried, and even Tad and Bobby seemed worried. “Do I want to know what’s going on?” he asked.
“Stephen’s been...worse than usual, Mr. Stewart,” Bobby said tactfully. Jon had gently asked Bobby to call him by his first name more times that he could count before simply accepting the fact that it was never going to happen. “You’re here about that toss, I guess?”
Jon nodded. “Yeah. So he’s been on edge lately? How long?”
Tad and Bobby exchanged a significant look, and Jon felt out of the loop. “About five days,” Tad eventually said.
“Five days, that’s—oh.” It clicked immediately; five days ago had been when he and George finally released statements to the press. “He’s that upset about it?”
There went another significant nonverbal exchange, and Jon briefly wondered exactly how close the two of them were to one another. “He’s that upset,” Bobby said, though he appeared to be hesitating, like he was holding something back.
“Is there something else I should know?” he asked, sighing when Tad and Bobby looked at each other again. He was missing a good chunk of this conversation, it seemed.
“No, there’s nothing,” Tad replied, and Jon didn’t quite think that was the truth, but he accepted it. He had to find and talk to Stephen anyway.
“All right,” he said. “Stephen’s in his office?”
Bobby nodded, and he headed off in that direction, barely sidestepping a beleaguered-looking intern making a mad dash for the break room. Knocking briefly on Stephen’s door, he stepped inside.
“Did you get that—oh, it’s you,” Stephen said as he looked up from the notepad he was furiously scribbling something on. “Have you decided to accept my intervention?”
“No,” Jon replied, giving Stephen a look. “I came over to tell you to knock it off. I’m dating a dude, not addicted to heroin.”
“It’s the same thing, Jon!” Stephen exclaimed. “They’re both destructive, behavior-altering, seductive lifestyles that lure you in with tempting, sexy, irresistible false promises and then suck you dry until you’re nothing but a shadow of your former self.” He paused. “So I’m told, anyway.”
“Stephen, come on,” Jon said. “Stop it, please? I’m fine. I don’t need to be rescued from anything.” He shook his head. “Why is this such a big deal, anyway? You know other gay people—you don’t act anything like this when Dan Savage is on the show.”
“He decided to be gay years ago, Jon—there’s nothing I can do. With you, there’s still hope, and I’m not giving up without a fight.”
Jon sighed. It was going to be a long week.
“He’s still freaked out by it?” George asked him three days later. It was Thursday night and he was making dinner for the both of them.
“Yep,” Jon confirmed. “He’s brought it up at least once in every show this week. Nothing major, but he's still mentioning it.”
“How long do you think he’ll keep it up? Not for too much longer, right?”
Jon sent George an amused look. “Have you met Stephen? I’ve known oxen who would envy his stubborn streak.”
George laughed. “Good point,” he said.
“Wish I understood why he was making such a big deal out of it, though.”
“I thought this was par for the course with him.”
“Not like this.”
“Maybe he’s jealous.”
“That could be. He’s got a pretty transparent thing for you, though I thought he preferred Brad Pitt.”
“I meant jealous because of you, Jon,” George said, looking amused. “Not me. It’s not me he’s focusing on, is it?”
“That’s ridiculous. I’m not exactly Stephen’s type.”
“Sounds like you might be.” George shrugged, wrapping an arm around Jon when he ventured close enough, attempting to sneak a glance at what George was making. “I told you. This is a surprise.”
Jon smirked. “Damn, foiled again,” he said, and George leaned down to kiss him. “Worth it, though,” he murmured when they broke apart, running a hand up along George’s chest, eventually reaching up and threading his fingers through his hair, pulling him closer. “How long do we have until dinner’s ready?”
George gave him a heated look, smirking. “Twenty minutes. Have something in mind?”
“Ah, that’s plenty of time.” Jon grinned, kissing him again.
It’d been an entire week and Jon was pleased by the fact that Stephen hadn’t mentioned him once. Maybe he’d underestimated him a little, and he was finally coming around, deciding to drop the subject after all.
When they had lunch on Monday, Jon made a point to mention this. “I wanted to thank you, Stephen,” he said, and Stephen looked up at him, confused.
“For what?”
“For dropping it,” Jon said. “I appreciate it. The media’s finally started to calm down—only Fox is really still talking about me and George, and it helps that you’ve stopped mentioning it.”
“Oh,” said Stephen, and Jon raised an eyebrow at his shifty expression.
“You have stopped mentioning it, right? You didn’t say anything last week, so I assumed—you don’t have anything planned, do you?”
“Nope,” Stephen said quickly. “Not a thing. It’s totally dropped. If you want to spend eternity in hell, that’s completely up to you, Jon.”
Jon rolled his eyes at this, sighing, but otherwise let it go.
“And that brings us to tonight’s Word: Courage,” Stephen started, adjusting his glasses. “Let’s face it: some people have it, and some people don’t.”
"Some People" Who Don’t: Anyone Who Disagrees With Stephen, noted the bullet.
“Lately we’ve had an appalling lack of courage, but I’m glad to announce that’s finally changed. A truly courageous organization right now is none other than Fox News Channel. Two wars, an economic meltdown, and more to report on, and what do they dedicate their time to? Jon Stewart and George Clooney.”
At Least It’s Not The Lohans, snarked the bullet.
“Good for them, I say! After all, we don’t really care about the economy,” Stephen continued.
Possibly How It Got This Way In The First Place.
“But we, as Americans, do care about two elitist liberals being brought down a couple pegs, after defying our morals and standards from their ivory tower.”
A Penthouse View Of Sodom?
“Because if you need an example of someone truly spineless and cowardly, look no further than one of these two men: Jon Stewart, a well-known left-wing nut and current forwarder of the homosexual agenda.”
That’s Jon Stewart, Executive Producer Of The Colbert Report, Everybody, added the bullet helpfully.
“But all I’ve heard from other news organizations—the liberal mainstream media—is how courageous he’s being, coming out like this, bringing it into the spotlight. That, Nation, is ridiculous. Everyone knows that the only way to be courageous about something like this is to keep it a secret.”
It’s Dark In That Closet, After All.
“What could require more courage than living day to day with this kind of thing hanging over your head? It dogs your steps, making it harder and harder to live with yourself, knowing a part of you can never be expressed or talked about, following you everywhere you go.” Stephen paused, clearing his throat. “So I’ve heard, anyway.”
Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are, implored the bullet.
“So I’ve had enough of this! Jon Stewart may think he’s so much better than m—than us real Americans, but he’s not. If he wants to prove he has courage, then he should fight these urges like a real man. And that’s The Word. We’ll be right back.”
Jon didn’t get angry that often. He preferred to keep a cool head, to stay calm, to not get too upset. Sometimes, though, he couldn’t keep it under wraps.
It wasn’t so much that he was upset about what Stephen had said, really. He didn’t take most of it seriously. But Stephen had lied to him, blatantly, right to his face, and that pissed him off.
And, okay, sure, maybe it stung a little to hear your best friend call you a coward.
He headed straight for Stephen’s office, not bothering to knock this time, shutting the door firmly behind him. When Stephen looked up at him, he saw his eyes widen in surprise. “You’re...angry,” he said, sounding shocked.
“Of course I’m angry!” Jon exclaimed. “I’m supposed to be your friend, Stephen! For a week you spend your time telling me I’m going to hell and trying to save me from myself because of your own twisted prejudices, and then you lie to my face about dropping it, only to call me a coward on national television!”
“I had to do it, Jon!” Stephen said. “You weren’t listening—”
“No, Stephen, you’re not listening!” Jon interrupted. “I do not need to be saved from anything. I am not going to hell. It is not wrong to be attracted to the same sex nor is it wrong to act on those feelings. You may be so far in the closet you’re practically in Narnia, but I am okay with my sexuality!”
“Sure you are, Jon!” Stephen scoffed. “You’re so okay with it you didn’t tell me? We’ve been friends for ten years and I had to find out from the stupid New York Post that you slept with guys?” He glared. “But oh, you’re Jon Stewart, you’re just a genius who thinks he knows it all, aren’t you? You think you’re so much better because of it, way too good for me that you have to run off and sleep with George Clooney!”
And then, all of a sudden, it made sense. The odd tone of voice Stephen had used when he first found out. The way Bobby and Tad had kept exchanging knowing looks. Even George had figured it out before him, with his suggestion that Stephen was jealous. “Stephen, do you—do you think I betrayed you?”
“You did! If you like men, you should want me! I want you!” Stephen blurted out, looking distinctly horrified the moment he realized what he’d just said. “I didn’t say that! I didn’t! You didn’t hear that!” Obviously panic-stricken, he fled from the office before Jon had a moment to figure out what the hell just happened.
Every call Jon made to Stephen the rest of the week went straight to his voicemail. He tried numerous times to find him at The Colbert Report studio, but he was always mysteriously missing whenever Jon dropped by. They even stopped doing the tosses.
By the end of the next week, Jon was getting antsy. He wanted to talk to Stephen again, clear the air, and work past this. He missed his best friend.
It seemed ridiculous when he considered it. Stephen had wanted him for who knew how long and he hadn’t even noticed. He’d even sort of admitted to not being totally straight, something Jon had never been sure if he’d live to see. Sure, it’d been an accident, said in the heat of an argument, but it’d still been something.
Maybe it was a good thing that Stephen was avoiding him for now. He apparently had a lot to think about.
“Finally!” Jon said, cornering Stephen in his office on Thursday night. It’d been almost three weeks since he’d spoken to him, and after a tiny bit of conspiring with a few of the interns and some help from Tad, he’d managed to find Stephen.
Stephen looked like a deer caught in the headlights. “Jon, what—” he started, but then straightened, apparently gaining his bearings. “Are you back to yell at me some more?”
“No, Stephen,” Jon said, shaking his head. “I just want to talk to you.”
“I don’t need your pity, Jon,” Stephen snapped. “I’m sure you and George Clooney had a great time laughing at me behind my back. After all, how could you want me when you have him?” He crossed his arms.
“Actually, Stephen—”
“No, Jon! I don’t want to hear it!” he interrupted. “Keep your excuses to yourself. I don’t need to hear that you only want to be friends, or that it’s not me, it’s you, or that you just don’t feel that way for me. I’ve heard it enough and I don’t want to listen to it again.”
“But Stephen—”
“I said no.” Stephen huffed. “I’ve accepted it, okay? You don’t want me. You’re too good for me, smug and self-righteous and perfect, with your hair and your giggle and your smile, so why don’t you just go back to mocking me with George Clooney!”
“Stephen!”
“What?”
“George and I aren’t together anymore!”
“You’re—wait, what—but—why?”
“He had to go back to L.A. He lives there, remember?” Jon shook his head. “George is a great guy, but it was never going to last long with him. We live on opposite sides of the country, and can you really see either of us moving?”
Stephen hesitated. “Oh,” he eventually said. “I guess not.” He paused again. “So you’re not with him anymore?”
“Nope.”
“Are you upset?”
“Not really. We both pretty much knew from the beginning what was going to happen.”
“Huh,” said Stephen. “Does this mean you’re straight again?”
Jon sighed. “No, Stephen. I’m not straight. I’m bisexual. That means I like men and women.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Regardless, it’s the truth.” Jon sent him a look. “And we need to talk. For real, this time. Without any shouting.”
Stephen met his gaze briefly before looking down. “Yeah, okay. Now?”
“Yeah, but not here. Let’s go get something to eat.”
“All right,” Stephen agreed, and they left.
It all ended with a tabloid.
This particular unflattering, grainy photograph displayed him and Stephen, standing in front of a 24-hour diner late at night, kissing softly. The headline, in its attention-grabbing, paper-selling bluntness, asked, Comedy And Punditry: Together At Last?
Jon rolled his eyes at the cheesiness—would the media ever get over his sex life?—when he saw it on the newsstand. Later, however, when he noticed Stephen hastily shoving said tabloid into his desk, trying to look nonchalant about it, he just shook his head, shot him a small smile, and started planning his next PR statement.
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Loved this ♥
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Thank you!
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That was actually pulled off really well, how George left. Even I forgot that he lived in L.A. and wouldn't be staying in New York. And if it was a (semi?) heart-fekt fling, well...
I'm just glad that it's plausible, how Stephen didn't have to get his heart broken again. Poor thing, all I want you, Jon, why don't you want me? That's how it's supposed to work. Not just jealousy either, but betrayal. and just GUH.
I like how Stephen can earnestly turn things in his favor. Known Jon for ten years and he finds out what he thinks he should have known or never figured out from a newspaper. So, from one of those beggers on the OT, thanks for actually writing. ^_^
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I have a hard time actually breaking Stephen's heart. It's too tempting to give him a happy ending.
Well, it ate my brain, so I had to write it. =P Thanks for reading, and I'm glad you enjoyed!:D
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Really adorable and with a happy ending and yay <3 Thank you!
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Thank you! Glad you liked. :D
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Then I have succeeded! That is Stephen in a nutshell, IMO. =P
I'm glad you liked the contrast of George/Jon and Jon/Stephen. I was hoping people would. :D
Thanks so much!
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I love that ending. It's hopeful but Jon still has to break down Stephen a bit.
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Thank you very much. :D
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God the way you weave in (mind-bendingly realistic) tosses and the bullet is amazing.
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Thank you! :D
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time spent agonising = time well spent
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No, really, dude, this was awesome! I really prefer "real"!Stephen to Character!Stephen most of the time, but this was such a wonderful example of what can be done with character!Stephen that not only could I not satop reading, but I was terribly sad to see it over!
Stephen was just adorable in this, in his repression, jealousy and as for when he finally admitted to Jon...! Awwww!
And George Clooney, too! Wonderful stuff! :)
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Thank you very much! :D
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“No, no, don’t thank me now. Wait until after I’ve saved you from an eternal pit of hellfire.”
It's good to have a Stephen.
“Stephen,” interrupted Jon after a few seconds. “Are you trying to perform an exorcism?”
*falls off chair*
Gonna have to add to the subtle-Tad/Bobby-for-the-win sentiment.
“They’re both destructive, behavior-altering, seductive lifestyles that lure you in with tempting, sexy, irresistible false promises and then suck you dry until you’re nothing but a shadow of your former self.” He paused. “So I’m told, anyway.”
Or So He Heard. X3
“I meant jealous because of you, Jon,” George said, looking amused. “Not me. It’s not me he’s focusing on, is it?”
Listen to this man, Jon. He knows of what he speaks.
“What could require more courage than living day to day with this kind of thing hanging over your head? It dogs your steps, making it harder and harder to live with yourself, knowing a part of you can never be expressed or talked about, following you everywhere you go.” Stephen paused, clearing his throat. “So I’ve heard, anyway.”
Awww.
(I could basically quote the entire Wørd segment here, because the whole thing is delightful.)
"You think you’re so much better because of it, way too good for me that you have to run off and sleep with George Clooney!”
Awwwwwwww.
Poor Jon, always with the unflattering photographs. Oh, well. He's got the admiration he really cares about =3
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You have only yourself to
blamethank for that one. It's because of you I even like that pairing. =PYeah, you have no idea how much TV Tropes has invaded my mind. I found myself thinking Like You Would Really Do It at a story I was reading a little while ago.
Listen to this man, Jon. He knows of what he speaks.
I have kind of a thing for less-involved characters getting to the thick of the matter easier than those embroiled in the mess. Their position as an observer lets them pick up on more, I think. (Plus, George is smart. And he understands the whole 'wanting Jon' deal. =P)
(I could basically quote the entire Wørd segment here, because the whole thing is delightful.)
Glad you think so! Spent a good portion of time futzing with it. (I changed out the second-person bullet point, obv, only for last night's TCR to prove that Bullet does, occasionally, talk to Stephen. =P)
I've found that tabloid pictures are often unflattering no matter who they depict. =P
Thank you very much! :D
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Thank you very much!
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more more more! this was amazing:D
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This was utterly, utterly perfect and seven kinds of adorable. The characterisation was spot on, and I loved thw Word segment. ♥
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Thank you very much. I spent a lot of time futzing with the Word segment, especially, so I'm glad you liked that. :D
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also "You may be so far in the closet you’re practically in Narnia, but I am okay with my sexuality!" = best line ever.
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(Hee, yeah, I'm fond of that line. =P)
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Thank you!
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The story really puts pictures in my head of "Stephen" looking from afar at Jon with such longing, it breaks my heart but makes me love the character more haha.
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