Sara (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
scripted_sra) wrote2009-03-02 11:36 pm
scripted_sra) wrote2009-03-02 11:36 pm
Entry tags:
M*A*S*H | Want | PG | Hawkeye/Sidney
Title: Want
Fandom: M*A*S*H
Rating: PG
Pairing: Hawkeye/Sidney
Summary: A prequel to "Need".
Word Count: 666
Disclaimer: All copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. This work is not created for profit and constitutes fair use.
A/N: Has been edited from its original version.
I sit in the VIP tent, unable to sleep. I’ve had the worst trouble with insomnia, lately, and I don’t know why. As easily as I can help others figure out what’s wrong with them, when it comes to myself, most of the time I’m lost.
Suddenly, I hear knocking. “Come in,” I say and you walk into the tent with a tired smile. “Hawkeye, how can I help you?” I ask as you sit down.
“Hi, Sidney. I couldn’t sleep and saw your light on. Figured I’d drop in for a chat,” you say, lightly, but I can tell something is wrong.
“What’s wrong, Hawkeye?” I ask, looking into your eyes briefly. I don’t know why, but lately I’ve been having trouble doing that for any length of time. Every time I do, I feel something indescribable. I don’t know how long this feeling has been there, but recently it’s been getting stronger. I think I may know what it is, but I’m afraid to acknowledge it.
“You always know. I thought you were a psychiatrist, not a psychic.” You smile weakly. “Have you ever felt something for someone you shouldn’t be feeling?”
Yes, my mind tells you.
“Ah, I think we all have. Who is it, Hawkeye?”
You hesitate, as if debating whether finally to tell me. Finally, very quietly, you say, “BJ.”
I’m sure my eyes widen—I wasn’t expecting that. I was expecting one of the married nurses, or someone along those lines. Your best friend, on the other hand? Well, that throws me for a loop.
It also causes another strange emotion to well up inside me. What is that? Jealousy? Impossible.
“BJ?” I ask. I think the shock is clear in my voice.
It’s jealousy, my mind informs me.
"Guess I'm just as bent as Frank always thought," you joke, but I hear the tension beneath it. Instead of replying, I look at you steadily, and your expression turns serious. "You don't...you don't think I'm a freak, right?"
I constantly see you either laughing and joking or serious and angry and I forget how child-like your behavior gets at times. You’ve always been a complex person. Maybe that's why I’m drawn to you.
“No, Hawkeye. You’re not a freak.” I sigh.
Standing up from the chair, you walk over to me and sit down next to me. “What’s wrong with you, Sidney?”
“Nothing. Trying to take over my job, are you?” I smile insincerely. You notice.
“No. I’m a friend who’s concerned.”
“Let’s just say...I understand your problem first hand.”
You nod, seemingly unfazed and not surprised. “Who?”
The decision—to tell or not to tell. It’s unsettling, being a shrink, being someone who figures out other people’s thoughts and feelings for a living, and having little control over my own.
“You,” I whisper, completely without permission from my mind.
“Me?” You seem surprised, and, if I can tell from your expression, to be thinking, ‘What’s so great about me?’
I open my mouth to speak again, but I’m surprised once more. You kiss me.
I don’t know why. For once, I don’t know what you’re thinking or what possessed you, and I’m not really concerned with any of those matters right now. That's also a first, I note vaguely, kissing back.
How long do we sit there kissing? I don’t know, but as soon as I feel your hands on me, I jump and pull away. What am I doing? You’re my patient. You came to me for help.
You have feelings for someone else.
“Hawkeye, wait—”
“Shhh,” you whisper, bringing your finger to my lips. I’ve never seen you like this. You really are rather complex. How many different sides, different facets to your personality are there? How many have I seen? “We both want this," you add, before descending on my lips once more. This time, when your hands find my chest, I don’t pull away.
Why? my mind wonders.
Because he's right, says my heart.
Fandom: M*A*S*H
Rating: PG
Pairing: Hawkeye/Sidney
Summary: A prequel to "Need".
Word Count: 666
Disclaimer: All copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. This work is not created for profit and constitutes fair use.
A/N: Has been edited from its original version.
I sit in the VIP tent, unable to sleep. I’ve had the worst trouble with insomnia, lately, and I don’t know why. As easily as I can help others figure out what’s wrong with them, when it comes to myself, most of the time I’m lost.
Suddenly, I hear knocking. “Come in,” I say and you walk into the tent with a tired smile. “Hawkeye, how can I help you?” I ask as you sit down.
“Hi, Sidney. I couldn’t sleep and saw your light on. Figured I’d drop in for a chat,” you say, lightly, but I can tell something is wrong.
“What’s wrong, Hawkeye?” I ask, looking into your eyes briefly. I don’t know why, but lately I’ve been having trouble doing that for any length of time. Every time I do, I feel something indescribable. I don’t know how long this feeling has been there, but recently it’s been getting stronger. I think I may know what it is, but I’m afraid to acknowledge it.
“You always know. I thought you were a psychiatrist, not a psychic.” You smile weakly. “Have you ever felt something for someone you shouldn’t be feeling?”
Yes, my mind tells you.
“Ah, I think we all have. Who is it, Hawkeye?”
You hesitate, as if debating whether finally to tell me. Finally, very quietly, you say, “BJ.”
I’m sure my eyes widen—I wasn’t expecting that. I was expecting one of the married nurses, or someone along those lines. Your best friend, on the other hand? Well, that throws me for a loop.
It also causes another strange emotion to well up inside me. What is that? Jealousy? Impossible.
“BJ?” I ask. I think the shock is clear in my voice.
It’s jealousy, my mind informs me.
"Guess I'm just as bent as Frank always thought," you joke, but I hear the tension beneath it. Instead of replying, I look at you steadily, and your expression turns serious. "You don't...you don't think I'm a freak, right?"
I constantly see you either laughing and joking or serious and angry and I forget how child-like your behavior gets at times. You’ve always been a complex person. Maybe that's why I’m drawn to you.
“No, Hawkeye. You’re not a freak.” I sigh.
Standing up from the chair, you walk over to me and sit down next to me. “What’s wrong with you, Sidney?”
“Nothing. Trying to take over my job, are you?” I smile insincerely. You notice.
“No. I’m a friend who’s concerned.”
“Let’s just say...I understand your problem first hand.”
You nod, seemingly unfazed and not surprised. “Who?”
The decision—to tell or not to tell. It’s unsettling, being a shrink, being someone who figures out other people’s thoughts and feelings for a living, and having little control over my own.
“You,” I whisper, completely without permission from my mind.
“Me?” You seem surprised, and, if I can tell from your expression, to be thinking, ‘What’s so great about me?’
I open my mouth to speak again, but I’m surprised once more. You kiss me.
I don’t know why. For once, I don’t know what you’re thinking or what possessed you, and I’m not really concerned with any of those matters right now. That's also a first, I note vaguely, kissing back.
How long do we sit there kissing? I don’t know, but as soon as I feel your hands on me, I jump and pull away. What am I doing? You’re my patient. You came to me for help.
You have feelings for someone else.
“Hawkeye, wait—”
“Shhh,” you whisper, bringing your finger to my lips. I’ve never seen you like this. You really are rather complex. How many different sides, different facets to your personality are there? How many have I seen? “We both want this," you add, before descending on my lips once more. This time, when your hands find my chest, I don’t pull away.
Why? my mind wonders.
Because he's right, says my heart.